Philosopher and psychiatrist William James observed that “We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”

American psychiatrist Bruce Perry explained that “The most powerful predictor of your functioning in the present is your current relational connectedness. The second most powerful component is your history of connectedness.”

Being connected is essential.

To feel deeply connected is to feel free to be ourselves.

Yet, so many workplaces still have a long way when it comes to nurturing true connectedness – both with ourselves and with each other.

And, too many people can’t be themselves at work and are ‘covering’ to downplay or hide elements of their identity in order to ‘blend in’.

  • 9 in 10 people who are burnt-out report experiencing poor workplace relationships
  • 1 in 2 people are not willing to be vulnerable at work
  • 2 in 5 people feel isolated at work
  • 83% of people who identify as LGB report ‘covering’ at work
  • 67% of people who identify as women of colour report ‘covering’ at work
  • 45% of people who identify as straight white men report ‘covering’ at work

We have all experienced conversations with colleagues that left us feeling somehow…

Inconvenient, or
incompatible, or
inadequate, or
inappropriate, or
unimportant, or
insignificant.

We all want to feel like we matter.

We all long to belong.

We all want to be valued and respected for who we are – not just the work we do.

We all want to thrive, play, grow and perform.

And that is NOT too much to ask of our workplaces.

And it's also true that we are navigating many complex challenges as we move towards these aspirations.

The good news is that there are small behavioral changes we can play with, reflect on, and put into practice. 

Over time, these small behavioral changes has the power to create a big ripple of greater connectedness, authenticity and belonging.

More Linking, Less Ranking

When we boil down all the inter-personal dynamics we experience in work and in life, there are two fundamental ways we can relate with another human being – we can either be linking or ranking.

A powerful connection practice is to bring more awareness and intentionality to 'linking' Vs 'ranking' dynamics.

What is 'Linking'?

‘Linking’ is our innate tendency to be drawn to others, to want to help, connect and care. When we link, hierarchy dissolves and we are connecting human-to-human.

What is 'Ranking'?

When we ‘rank’ we are mentally placing ourselves above or below another person, based on some logic or criteria that we deem to be relevant or important in that moment.

We compare and rank ourselves versus others based on perceived status, hierarchical power, appearances, education level, social class, religious beliefs – just to name a few.

Sometimes, ranking is helpful and necessary in the workplace, but often it’s not.

Low Self Worth and Ranking

There is a connection between low self-worth and ranking. Those of us who have low self-worth are more prone to perceiving ourselves as ‘lesser than’, mentally placing other people at a higher rank.

Low self-worth can also cause us to rank ourselves above others in an attempt to create a sense of value in the world.

The Risks of Ranking

We are social animals and ranking has played an important role in our development as a species. So ranking is not inherently bad or wrong.

Ranking can, however, be problematic when it happens often and below our level of conscious awareness.

When we are in a trance and in the deep habitual grooves of ranking, we perpetuate disconnection, unnatural separateness and suffering.

Linking fosters connection, ranking destroys connection through competition and comparison.

In the workplace, chronic ranking can lead to people exerting power over others, hoarding of information and a highly contagious dog eat dog mindset that leads to a culture of fear and mistrust.

In the world of psychology, ranking is often referred to as social comparison. While there are occasionally legitimate reasons to rank ourselves, we tend to do it constantly.

Habitual ranking is generally accepted to be bad for us. Research confirms that linking reduces workplace stress and increases wellbeing and even longevity.

Where Do We Start?

Here are  three simple questions (inspired by the work of Dr Brene Brown) that we can ask ourselves when we are in conversations at work (and at home) to create more connection:

Am I puffing up?

Am I shrinking down?

How might I be more myself in this moment?

"Linking is far more than a technique to feel better about yourself. Linking, coming together is central to life itself. One-celled organisms linked to become simple animals. Simple animals linked to form complex ones: and many of these animals formed groups to help each other. In all cases they were attracted to, needed to understand, and helped one another – my definition of love. Now some of us aim to link with every other being in peace and goodwill. Surely linking will evolve us into stronger and stronger forms."  Elaine A. Aron

Hey there, 👋 I’m Cassie. 

You know how most of the time we’re just skimming the surface of our potential at work? Well, I empower leaders and teams to activate their true brilliance.